Nasmiths on Ice

I have discovered the secret to peaceful, enjoyable, family gatherings: open bar.

My cousin’s wedding was this past weekend. It was an elaborate affair beginning on Friday with a Wine & Cheese and ending Sunday with Brunch. They reserved the entire Delta Sherwood Inn near Bala, Muskoka, Ontario. There were over 120 people there for the wedding. Our room was posh, with a gas fireplace and Jacuzzi tub (so sweet). The facilities were classy, the grounds extensive, and everything was surrounded by show-draped woods and Canadian Shield outcroppings.

After the Wine and Cheese (open bar) on Friday night was a hockey game. The actual tournament was scheduled for Saturday, so Friday night was just rotating teams of whoever wanted to play. For those not wanting to play hockey, there was a bonfire next to the rink where we could roast marshmallows, drink hot chocolate and Baileys (brought from the main building by a guy in pressed pants and white vest, very incongruent with an outdoor hockey shinney). My cousin and her entire family (60+ year-old mother included) all play hockey so they were constantly on the ice. My family… not so much.

Both my brothers played hockey when they were young. I was put into figure skating because I was a girl. Mike (the youngest of my older brothers), after drinking for about 6 hours straight, decides to play. Unfortunately, being both drunk and almost a decade away from his last experience in skates, his trouble began before he even got on the ice. He couldn’t get his skates on. He got one on and tied, but it took an extraordinary amount of time. After much heckling from, well, me mostly, he allowed me to tie the other one for him. Otherwise he’d have spent the entire night complaining about the length of the skate laces and never make it onto the ice. Once on the ice he surprised us all by being able to stand up. Mark (the oldest of my older brothers) described it as “spaghetti on skates.” It was so much fun to watch, and Mark and I didn’t miss an opportunity to yell and laugh when he fell. My sister-in-law was much nicer than we were and she kept insisting that he wasn’t doing so badly. She’s right, of course. Relative to more-sober people he did poorly, but I doubt anyone as drunk as he was would have done better. Not to be outdone, Mark took to the ice in skates so small his toes hurt the next day. Mark didn’t fall, and wasn’t nearly as much fun to watch as Mike.

After breakfast on Saturday was the official hockey tournament. The guests that wanted to play were divided into teams. I was sick and slept through Mike’s sober return to the ice. I wish I had seen it. After lunch there was free time and a lot of people went snow shoeing or x cross country skiing. I chose the latter. I haven’t skied in at least seven, but probably more, years. It’s not a hard skill to recover. My mom and I did about 4 km in the trails on the hotel grounds. Mom fell on every down-hill part.

The wedding was Saturday afternoon at 5:30. It was a lovely service that Karen and Paul created, and I almost started crying when her brother did, but I managed to compose myself. Dinner was long, with many speeches and a slide show. However, the wine, champagne and beer flowed freely, so a lot of people probably didn’t care. After dinner was the dance. Mark made fun of the old people dancing, but jokes on him because that’ll be him at his daughter’s wedding in 30 years (I say 30 because we Nasmiths marry old). Everyone danced eventually, Mark and my mom included. Mike danced more than anyone else, but he always does. I threw my hat in around 2am, but I found out later that my brothers were up until at least 4am. Neither of them made it to brunch the next day.

It was an incredibly detailed wedding. Everything was tailored to reflect the personalities and interests of the bride and groom. There were decorations incorporating hiking boots and snow shoes, and family heirlooms. The tables for the dinner were named after the many Inuit names for snow, the event was powered by green energy, and the bride and groom wanted donations to go towards saving the Don River rather than wedding presents. My mind reels when I think about how much it cost. Open bar all weekend for over 100 people, all meals provided to the guests, the only thing we paid for was the room, and even that was at a cost less than the cost listed in their brochure. Not that it would have been less enjoyable if these things hadn’t been free to the guests, it’s just surprising that they took care of everything. So, now it’s the wedding to top in my family. However, looking at those who have yet to marry, I don’t see any of us rising to the challenge.