My oldest brother has a potentially dangerous job. He used to do a lot of flying in Sea King helicopters, those infamously old Canadian deathtraps. Whenever there was an incident or crash with one of the Sea Kings, he’d call up my mom and say “You’re going to hear about a Sea King accident. Don’t worry, it wasn’t me. I’m fine.” Or, on at least one occasion, “…it was me. But I’m fine.” This is a good course of action, it saves your loved ones from unnecessary worry.
My request to all my friends now is the next time a nationally-publicized violent and tragic event happens very close to you, please send me an “it’s-not-me” email. Here’s a handy form letter for you (modify as necessary):
Dear Ellie [or any other concerned friend/family member],You’re going to hear about a __________ (shooting/stabbing/fire/bombing) ___ (at/in) my _____________ (apartment building/school/neighbourhood/city/favourite coffee place). Don’t worry, it wasn’t me. I’m fine.
Or, better yet YOU CAN ANSWER YOUR PHONE, OZ.
Seriously, I hope that all my U of A friends are okay. Oz, you can move in with me to finish your thesis if you don’t want to stay in HUB any more.
By 10am, though, it was trending in third place. Take that, VaginaMovieLines!