Good-bye, Mr. Computer

I decided a week ago to get a new laptop. My laptop has been dying a long, slow death for about the last three years. But now there's lines on the screen and I just can't take it anymore. It's bad enough that only one speaker works and that the letters have rubbed off the keys so none of them are labelled anymore. I could deal with it's plodding slowness and the CD-ROM drive that only sometimes works. But lines through the screen are the last straw.

Here's the weird thing: I think my laptop knows its days are numbered and is in revolt. Since I decided to get a new one, this one has gotten even crappier. The internet browser has taken to opening itself up in dozens of windows, causing it to crash. And my downloading speed has dropped from "Lame" to "It'd be faster to write and film my own shows."

Of course, now that I've written this, my laptop knows that I know. It's on to me. The screen could snap shut on my hands at any moment, crushing my phalanges.** Well, listen up Mr. Computer: this infantile behaviour only makes it easier for me to get rid of you, so it looks like your little rebellion has failed, you five-year-old obsolete piece of plastic. 


** That will totally be a scene in the inevitable and anxiously awaited for (by me) remake of Maximum Overdrive.