17 January 2007

Miscellaneous

I’m not entirely convinced I woke up this morning. That, however, is beside the point. I’m really starting this year off in a bad way. I’ve done few entries so far in January. This is due to a lack of things to write about. I don’t really have much to muse on, or rant about, so I tend to not be motivated to write.

I recently read the book Areas of My Expertise by John Hodge. It’s a book of fake knowledge by a guy who contributes to The Daily Show, among other things. I was really looking forward to this book, I thought it would be clever and interesting. It was boring! It wasn’t hilarious, funny, clever, or even amusing. It was a waste of paper and time. I hate when books are disappointing.

Last week I watched this movie with my UofA peeps. It was about legless reptiles on an aircraft. It did nothing to cure me of my dislike for animals lacking appendages. There’s something inherently creepy and worthy of distrust in their smugly effective mobility. All the other animals need legs, wings, fins. What makes snakes and the like so damn special? The movie was graphic and caused me to peek through my fingers for a lot of it. I think the primary take-home message in this movie was, when traveling by air, avoid women who wear high heels. I mean, the snakes? Pretty much unavoidable. But the heels? Just stay away from them (or at the very least make sure you’re behind them in the frantic charge to escape the snakes).

I watched all four hours of the 24 two-night season premiere. 24 is one of those shows that I like when I watch, but if I miss it I don’t care. I think it’s probably the most daring show on TV, in that no one is safe. I know a lot of shows claim that any character could die at any time (and Lost has certainly killed a lot of people) but I think 24 is the most ruthless, and depressing. I’d rather live on the Lost island(s) than in 24’s America. And Jack Bauer’s character! The poor bastard! I mean, just “today” in the course of four hours he was released (after almost 2 years) from a Chinese prison, tortured by terrorists, and forced to kill what was probably the closest thing he had to a best friend. No wonder he was crying. (Sorry if I gave anything away). Another cool thing about 24 is the above average number of Canadians it employs. I loved that they cast Shaun Majumder (a comedian from Newfoundland) as a nuclear physicist.

Before I go, I would like to offer some advice to my friends and readers out there. You should all belatedly resolve to post more comments on this page. The comments are fun! I doesn’t matter to me if they’re on topic or non-sequitorial. Just make the effort, you’ll feel better about yourself.

2 comments:

Annie said...

Just wanted to make myself feel good about myself :). Please do keep up with the blog, just become more imaginative, or just bitch and complain - works for me.

Anonymous said...

Hi Ellie,

In the twin interests of shoring up my self-appreciation and utilizing my snazzy new home internet connection, I'll post a stream-of-consciousness comment that really has nothing to do with your blog post. Plus I haven't seen you in the last couple of days, so I'll also take this time to point out that you work too much and should come eat lunch with your friends, not with preserved bugs in jars of ethanol. I don't care how high you get off the fumes, it doesn't take the place of a real mid-day break.

But I digress. My first topic is the aforementioned snazzy new home internet. After approximately 1.3 years living at the same address in Edmonton, I've finally caved and subscribed to The Internet: At Home. I find it mildly disturbing that I can't be bothered to walk the 500m to my office to check my email in the evenings when I want to. I've tried to determine exactly which factor it is that prevents me from doing so -- is the the bone-chilling Edmonton cold? the glaring lack of a comfy couch in my office? sheer laziness? and I've concluded that it's actually the proximity to food that prevents me from leaving my apartment. I think somewhere, deep in my reptile brain, way down in my limbic system, I'm programmed to stay near to and defend bodily all major resource sources. Thus I must camp out near my pantry and defend it from all comers. Now that my internet access is in close proximity to my pantry, the PDP (Pantry Defense Program) can be scaled up. Down in the limbic system somewhere, a crocodile is laughing.

Apart from my resource-acquiring tirade, I seem to be relatively free of rant topics at the moment, so I'm going to end this quickly. Some of the things I would have discussed with you at lunch are: last night's Colbert Report with Bill O'Reilly (I refuse to Google his name to see if it's spelled correctly), the three Iraq-soldier-autobiographies I've read in the past week, employee hiring standards in general and specific, and how I keep tracking sand into my apartment and it pisses me off. And I need a new hockey stick before my next game, but more importantly I need some physiotherapy for my shoulder, which I'm heading off to now.

Remember to come down for lunch next Monday. If not, I'll put an undisclosed number of snakes in your desk drawers and your backpack.

-Oz