Doin' the best we can

The weirdest thing about the Olympics, from my POV, is the absurd coverage that CTV has. When I'm eating breakfast in the morning I watch "Olympic Morning," and it's live. From BC. Where it is 3AM. Those poor newscasters are working at 3AM just so half-asleep people in the maritimes have something to watch for a few minutes before they go shovel snow or catch the bus.  Everyday I feel sorry for them, sitting in front of big glass windows that show Vancouver behind them, sound asleep in it's warm beds and not performing live on TV for a bunch of people in the maritimes who really just want to know how Sidney did the night before.

At the moment we have 7 medals, and we're tied for 4th with the French. The French hate us. Although, everyone hates us at the moment, as I understand it. And they're only gonna hate us more when we take all the hockey and curling golds. Go Canada!

Can't Hardly Wait

Syfy is making a movie called Sharktopus!  I mean, that news coupled with a Half Snow Day is making this one of the Best. Wednesdays. Ever.

The "plot"? "The U.S. Navy has commissioned a group called Blue Water to genetically engineer a half-shark, half-octopus to help combat Somali pirate ships. Then things go wrong." Really? How could anything possibly go wrong?

SNOW DAY

Okay, so it's only half a snow day. But it's freakin' awesome.

Reading is Fundamentalist

Only a couple of weeks left for everyone to read the Canada Reads books.

I remember the first Canada Reads. That is to say, I thought I remembered the first Canada Reads, because I remember posters we had at the library where I worked in high school. But then I see on the CBC site that the first Canada Reads was in 2002, and at that point I hadn't worked at the library for 2 years - so I actually don't know where that memory comes from (this is not unusual for me. I have a surprising number of memories that, when I try to reminisce with someone, they say "that never happened.")

I have never participated in Canada Reads. For no real reason. Looking at the past competitions, I've read at least one book from every list except for 2004 and 2007. So, I must not be completely out of touch with CanLit. I can't believe that Colony of Unrequited Dreams lost in 2003. Can we, like, do a recount or something? That is such an incredible book, I think Mr. Justin Trudeau must have made some irrevocable error in his defense of it. There's really no way that book should have lost.

Olympic Fever is so much better than Swine Flu

So I checked out the CTV Olympic site and the first headline I saw was "Luge Track Declared Safe After Fatal Accident." Then, the next one "Le May Doan Left Standing as Cauldron Malfunctions." These don't sound like good starts.

I like the winter olympics so much better than the summer olympics. The summer olympics seem to have too many made-up sports. There seems to be no guiding priciple to what is a summer sport, or even a sport. Anything you can do outside, inside, in or on water is "summer." Even fake things like trampoline, dancing with ribbons, and getting other animals to do the work. The winter olympics are so much more clean-cut: snow and ice. Less variety, sure, but more order. And, come on. I live in a country where a substantial part of it is frozen year round (at least, historically). Winter olympics are just more Canadian than summer olympics.

I'm currently flipping through some photos of the opening ceremonies. Oh! I totally want that HBC scarf Clara Hughes got. The phallic ice sculptures were probably a bad choice, but the polar bear of light is inspired. I want one for my front yard at Christmas. Donald Sutherland! Okay, I kind of regret not watching this.

I'm sure I'll be writing more about the Olympics in the days to come. For now I will just give all our athletes the same advice my big brother often gives me: Don't embarass us.

I'm A Believer

I'm not an atheist anymore. I watched this YouTube clip and I saw the error of my ways. I had no idea that I disproved evolution just by making breakfast.



Not only am I a Believer now, but I'm going to start my own Church of Peanut Butter. It deserves to be worshiped as the miracle food that it is.

Things I Shouldn't Have to Tell The People Who Mail Me Things I Order Over The Phone As Part of My Professional Duties

"Masmith" is NOT  NOW, nor has it EVER BEEN, a surname. Even Google knows that.

Driven to Tears

Last night I got caught up in the Haiti telethons, I found them to be oddly watchable. I think something about them appeals to the part of me that likes awards shows. Generally, I tend to avoid anything having to do with Ben Mulroney, but my affinity for celebrities asking for my money somehow outweighs my hatred of him. I must be more shallow than I previously suspected.

An open letter to the giant squid in “Kraken: Tentacles of the Deep”

If you are not already acquainted with Giant Squid, and wish to become so, you might not want to read this as it might be TMI for you.

Dear Giant Squid,

Firstly, let me say, I was really looking forward to meeting you. I recently met your colleague Megalodon and enjoyed my time with him immensely. I was so pleased to learn that a) you even existed and b) I would soon be able to spend a Friday evening with you.

Secondly, if I may be so rude, let me say what a disappointment you were. Some of that disappointment is my fault, afterall I was expecting you to be a giant octopus. However, most of my disappointment is you fault, and not just because you were oddly lacking in any dermal texture and your movements were, for the most part, completely unnatural.

Megalo-who?

I've been looking forward to Shark Attack 3: Megalodon because it has a) John Barrowman (Captain Jack from Doctor Who and Torchwood); b) giant, prehistoric sharks; c) bad special effects; and d) no chance of being good at all. I couldn't wait to see it.

So, what is the "plot" you ask? Silly reader. From what I could gather from the poorly enunciated exposition, some evil multinational telecommunications company is laying down a fibre optic cable in the ocean, connecting North, Central and South America with Australia and some Pacific rim countries. The electromagnetic field is like Megalodon-nip and draws a scampy little Megalodon baby from his nursery grounds in The Deep Ocean. This cable is presumably the biggest and baddest cable to have ever been laid in the Pacific, because none of the other millions of miles of cables have had the power to draw the Megalodons from The Deep, where they have been living unseen through the entirely of human existence. (Don't get me wrong, I know there are countless species we've never even seen because they live in the deep ocean trenches, but, if I remember correctly from my Deep Sea Biology course, the biomass in the deep ocean is relatively small. The deep ocean is not that productive and I really don't think that a Megalodon (let alone a school of Megalodons) could have survived billions of years on dumbo octopi and ctenophores without occasionally venturing into the coast for a seal or two.)